Good News, and some random thoughts

Ok I have been really slacking off as far as doing a blog, but here it goes. The good news is Liz is Pregnant with our second child. Yay!!!!!! So as soon as school finishes up it will be replaced with the care of the new child. I am just glad that she is not due before school finishes. At times I feel like I am barely hanging on as it is. LOL I laugh because I told my wife about three months ago that life is just one frantic pace and it would not slow down for either her or me. She told me that after school is done for the two of us then it would slow down. Ha ha, I laughed then too and told her it will never slow down, and as soon as school is finished that time would be taken up by another endeavor. Not that I am complaining, I am proud to have another child. I just want to know when the frantic fast paced life ends and you can actually take a breath. Oh how I yearn for a simple life in a small town where nobody is in a hurry to get anywhere and time waits for you. I seriously wonder was life this crazy for our predecessors? I mean it seems as if we have all these wonderful devices for our convenience, and to give us more time. However, it seems that as soon as somebody finds out a way to shave ten minutes off of something, we or somebody else finds away to add ten minutes back to our schedule with some other new task. Maybe the generations before us were running around at breakneck lifestyle then too, and we just romanticize about it being a simpler time, and previous generations actually were busier and had less time than us, who knows. It kind like our current addiction to spending and getting into debt. We always think that the solution to getting out of debt is to make more money. The problem with that way of thinking is as soon as we make more money we think well I can put more towards the debt and buy a little something extra. The reason society as a whole is in debt is because of the spending. It’s not how much money you make; debt comes about from how much money you spend! Maybe it’s the same thing for time. Maybe everyone needs to just put down the stupid freaking cell phone, (the probability if being in a life or death situation and only making it out alive because of your cell phone is a slim statistic), and realize that maybe we should spend more time with our families doing nothing, we actually might be able to take a breath. Then again what do I know, I am in debt, and don’t seem to have time to get everything done, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Best Buy Find!

Ok I wanted to do a blog today on something that was kind of deep, but just haven't had the time to get around to it between school and everything my time is a serious premium. However I got the opportunity to eat at my favorite Thai restaurant with my wife and pick up a few odd and ends that we needed. So after lunch, which was spectacular, we ended up at Best Buy off of Sunrise. I was looking for some stand up comedy CD’s to listen too but didn’t find the one I was looking for. I love Mitch Fatel but alas Best Buy did not have it. They did have Lewis Black who I absolutely love, but decided that I would save the money and see if I could get the Mitch Fatel CD from I-Tunes. We started walking towards the video games to window shop and they had Guitar Hero going and it was playing “Living on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi. My son thought that was pretty cool and started bopping his little almost two year old head to the tunes and watching the guitars. He absolutely loves guitars and I suspect that he will most definitely be in a band when he gets older. Well after we were done with that I saw that they had some bargain bins for some games. I started perusing them and low and behold I found a copy of “RAMPAGE” for like nine bucks. I practically wizzed my own pants. (ok so I am a geek laugh and point but it dudes like me that got you through Chemistry in school so you could mack on the hotties we could only dream of so hold a little respect for us, especially now that we have the upper hand and got all the chicks that ditched you after school, egad I love my sexy wife). Anyways I digress I couldn’t believe it, that game is a classic and on the same disc it has both of the classic arcade games, that’s right I said both of the classic arcade versions. mmmmmm, so instead of writing something profound that will make some think, or just hate me, I am going to go spend the rest of my evening smashing buildings and eating people in one of the first pointless, and mindless video games ever made. Oh and Eric when you read this, hit me up, you have got to play this.

A great Weekend

Well this weekend was pretty darn good if I don’t say so myself. I got a call from my Buddy Eric and we went out to the Folsom Lake and took some pictures. When I have some time I will post the pics up on the blog. (Thank you for the help on showing me how to spruce up my blog E!) The lake was extremely low and we found all sorts of stuff out there it was great. We found some palm tree stumps in the middle of the lake, (that’s right I said middle of the lake that’s how dry it was), ok maybe not the middle of the lake exactly but at least a quarter mile in from where the shore is normally. We also found rows of tree stumps that looked as if there was an orchard out there. We also came across the foundation of what was either a home or stable of some sort. We also found some really old bottles and propped them up and got some interesting shots with them. I did some online research to see if I could find out more information and I found that there was indeed an orchard where we were and there was also a winery in the area too. Kind of cool when you think about how long that stuff was underwater only to be revealed to the light of day. In fact from what I could find out, the last time that stuff saw the light of day was around 1971 I believe. All in all it was great day. Lately I have been pulling away from people so it was great to actually spend some time with a friend, especially an old one that I haven’t spent much time with lately.

The next day I left town with one of my supervising attorneys to go to Reno and meet with some potential clients in Reno on Monday. It was a great experience for me and I had a great time. When we first got into Reno we ate at this incredible Italian restaurant called “Pietro's Famiglia Ristorante Italiano” in Sparks NV. The food was absolutely phenomenal and the atmosphere was great. It is one of those little hole in the wall restaurants that could never be duplicated at a large scale.

I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel on one of the projects I am working on but next month I have to follow up on all of it all over again, but the bulk of the writing has been done so hopefully it will be easier.

Well I better get going time for school

Redemption

Well lately I have been feeling pretty demoralized. My wife tells me it is because I am pretty hard on myself and need to let go. Basically my supervising attorney who I absolutely love working for. I got really lucky and am at a firm that really takes cares of its employees, and my supervising attorney has an awesome sense of humor. I.E. a little on the off the wall side. LOL Anyways he had a special project that he needed taken care of and I was feeling pretty honored that he asked me to do it. Well as with anything in law, things can be pretty much clear as mud. The project started taking way too much time, a lot more time than I was expecting and I kept making mistakes which made me feel pretty stupid. Just when I though I had it figured out I found out that there was a fatal flaw in the work I had done and needed to start at square one again. So I go back and correct the mistake, only to find out on round two there was another fatal flaw. (thank goodness this project is not one that is bound by any statute limitation and I could essentially take all the time in the world.) My supervising attorney asked me how I felt about the work and I told him I was a little frustrated with myself because just when I though I had it figured out, I found out I had not. He told me not to worry about it that with time I will get it down. Still I felt stupid and angry with myself, on the third try I think I got it down so we will see.

In the background however I have been really struggling with school. My mind just has not been in the game and I am really slipping. My family has told me that I will pull through and do fine. However when you only get two answers on a 15 question quiz right I think you have every right in the world to feel like a total looser. The bad thing is it is in my favorite class this semester which is Contract Law. (I know I must be sick in the head, but last semester my favorite class was probate, don’t know that says about me.) So I am pretty much feeling like a total looser and am beginning to really question myself. On top of that my health has been taking a big hit. My asthma was so bad this morning I was wondering if I should even go to work, as it turned out a couple of people said I should probably just go home as I was not looking too good and I decided that I probably should just so I can get my hands on an inhaler and maybe rest a bit. I am pretty sure I have bronchitis and it is kicking my butt big time.

Last night though I just kept thinking that maybe the problem was not with myself per se, but with my attitude. Put succinctly, my EGO!!!! I started to really think about that, I do have a lot of pride. I am by no means an athlete, and am certainly not some brad pitt look alike. I don’t have a lot of money so what is there to take pride in you ask. My brain, I have never really had to work at school. I have always just waltzed through it. I would just generally scan the books, if I ever read them at all, show up, and collect my A. I have been getting pretty big for my britches and I think it really started stacking up against me. Lets face it I thought I was smart, and worse than that, smarter than other people. Its true, I was taking pride in my OWN ABILITIES. I completely forgot to thank who was really helping me get those A’s. Not some ability on my own but GOD. I am not smart, I am just blessed with a real thirst for knowledge. I am an autodidact, not a genius, not gifted. I just love to learn, that is something that GOD placed in me and not something I can or do own my own. Every A I got was because of Him not me. I still struggle with my ego and know now that I need to not be so prideful. This revelation really hit me when I thought about how embarrassed I would be if I failed a semester and would have to no longer progress with my fellow classmates. They would know the shame of how I was not as smart as them, and they would have the benefit of laughing at my stupidity. Then it hit me, I was prideful and more concerned with what my fellow peers thought of me than what God thought of me. I really mulled this over.

Well shortly before I left work today I felt redeemed. The big Cheeze Mr. David Allen himself approached me with another supervising attorney I work with and pulled me into their office. (needless to say, with the week I was having, I was thinking oooohhhhhh crap what did I screw up now) Well it turns out that the other Attorney I also love working with, and is also a fellow Christian, needed another person to help her on Monday. She will be going to Reno and meeting with a bunch of new perspective clients and the firm wants to expand out into Reno more. They wanted me to go along and help out. Man I felt so redeemed to hear that. It was almost as if God said you are not out of the woods yet young man, but you caught what I was trying to do. Even my homework which I was struggling with prior just breezed on through.

So now the real question remains, with this offer of personal redemption to myself will I pull through and walk the way God wants me to, or will I fail the test and return to my selfish ways? Time will tell but nonetheless I am happy to have a God that cares more about the condition of who I am as a person spiritually than just being a cosmic vending machine.

The second blog

Well here goes my second entry. Man am I feeling worn down, I am just soooooooo tired. I wake in the wee hours in the morning and begin my journey to work. After work I begin my journey to school. After school I usually get home any where around 9pm to 10pm. Then I grab a bite to eat watch something to kind of de-compress and then repeat the whole day over again. When the weekend comes I spend an overwhelming majority of my time doing my homework. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I am starting to really struggle with simple tasks. Things I never used to goof I am goofing on all the time. In fact there are times where I feel like I will read something and have to re-read it just to understand it. Not all that uncommon in the area of Law, (sometimes I am like who in the H E double Hockey sticks wrote this?), but it is stuff that I already know. I am starting to get more edgy and kind of snapped at my wife last night. I feel like crap because of it. I don't fully know what is wrong with me other than just being ran down. I turn to my God every day, and I guess do the best I can do. In time things will turn around. That's what everybody says or is supposed to say. However..... sure doesn't feel like it. I just need to get more sleep, but that is the conundrum. If I got any more sleep not only would I not be able to keep my nose above the water line, but there really would be no time in my day to at least take a break for myself. I end up doing homework on my lunch break, and most of my time on the weekend is with my nose in a textbook and my hands typing away furiously on my laptop. The sad thing is that my wife and I have not had a vacation for over five years. We need one but we can not afford it, let alone have any time to do it. I am looking forward to seeing my family this Thanksgiving but I am nervous on how I am going to get all of my homework done and visit with family. I know I need the break though, something anything to just take my mind off of the crushing realities of life would be much appreciated. I have been talking a lot to any friend Eric which has been nice. Hey Eric! It has been nice just thinking about the old days and the fun we all used to have as kids. It is also nice to have someone to talk to from the past. Speaking of Which I need to email you about possibly taking some pics in the downtown area this weekend. (I am definitely going to try and make time for myself and family this weekend) Also you will have to show me how to spruce up the page, and add your blog to mine. Thanks for the add on your blog!

My First Blog

Well I finally did it. I have been thinking about setting up a blog for quite some time and here I am. I just came across an old friend Eric's blog last week and thought what the hey! I guess I shall post my thoughts for the day...........
Guess I don't have much to think about. j/k Ok well I guess first off I am very glad that my family is doing well health wise. I was Fullmetal Alchemist (鋼の錬金術師, Hagane no Renkinjutsushi) today and the second episode always gets me. My little niece was watching it with me and she was not affected by it at all. LOL guess I am a softie. Basically the two kids, who are the main characters, loose their mom when they are very young. I just kept thinking what in the world would I do if that were to ever happen to me? It was pretty sad, yet of course, the main characters go about trying to resurrect their mother which of course leads to the entire plot for the series. I guess life is a lot like that. Sometimes it is just one decision that can define our entire lives, and sometimes it can be a very simple decision. Which was not the case in the story of course. Then there are times where it is a case where we are haunted by the decisions we make and therefore feel compelled into a certain life of choices that we ourselves imprison ourselves into. I think about that at times when I look back at my life. I have done stupid stuff, we all have. There were times in my life where I felt compelled to live my life in defilement of those decisions. Yet as I get older I have no regrets other than the paths and choices I didn’t take. I remember being a very young boy and meeting an elderly man. He had all sorts of crazy things to tell me that an adult probably should not be telling to a child. However there were some things I walked away with that I will probably remember for the rest of my life. He lived in a retirement home and was near the end of his life, so he spoke not from some sort of philosophical view, he spoke from experience through and through. Towards the end of our conversation I remember him turning to look out the window, and a silence almost permeated the room. The kind of silence that told you, something profound was about to happen. He began to look at a tree that was in the distance and you could almost feel his thoughts of how it was him that was actually in the distance. His eyes got moist and he said, "As you get older it is not the decisions you make that end up haunting you for the rest of your life, it is the decisions and choices in life you didn't make." I really mulled that over in my little brain. I wanted to ask him what it was that he hadn't done. Especially since he told me about soooooo many things he had done that, well were well beyond the scope of what a child under 12 should ever hear. I decided not to, I felt that whatever it was needn't be said. Sometime in another post I will have to tell you some of the stuff that old man said, but as I begin to get older I see even more wisdom in that statement. It isn't the choices I made that haunt me, it is the choices I didn't make that seem to weigh heavy on me. Sometimes it is the simple things, such as not saying I love you when I talk to my mom on the phone, or the time I forget to hug and kiss my son before I leave the house. Something so simple, yet so profound. I think about all of the people that died on Sept. 11'th. How many of those people had unfinished arguments with the ones they loved before they left the house. How many got in their cars, realized that they hadn't kissed their spouse or kids; instead of going back in the house just thought no big deal, I will see them later. Sometimes later never comes. Something for everyone to think about. Anyways now that I probably depressed anyone who might stumble across this blog, I am going to go hug my son, kiss my wife, and tell my family I love them.