Sick :-(

Uggh. I am sick, and it stinks. Every time I cough it hurts, my nose will not stop running, and bleeding. Our T.V. went out tonight too. Though I have mixed feelings on that. On one hand it is great to just veg out or pick up a controller and blow off some steam, but on the other hand not having the T.V. on will force me to do other outlets. Something I think will be good. I need to get out and take some more pictures, or do some more writing, or even reading. Of course I do not mean my homework or reading my law books. No I mean writing on some short stories I have picked up and began looking over again, in fact I gave a couple pages of it to my buddy Eric for a review on it. Something about it just seemed off, to me at least.

My wife bought me the most recent Dresden Files book. That series of books has got to be my most guilty pleasure. They are very well written and most entertaining. Picture 1920's gumshoe detective meets harry potter and you got the Dresden files. The Sci Fi series wasn't too bad, but it had nothing on the books. I was actually pretty sad to see the series get cancelled. However I was not surprised, it seems anytime there is a good series on T.V. that I like it gets canned. Firefly, moonlight, Dresden files, etc. etc. Of course I am sure you can see a pattern here with the geeky sci fi theme. I remember there was this great series that came on when I was younger called Covington Cross. If you are interested in it hit up on Wikipedia. I liked it, but I guess other people didn't. Too bad the show had good potential. Well I better get back to the grindstone of school, just seven weeks left till I am finished Yay!!!!!!!

More ramblings of my feeble mind

I was ordering something at Burger King today as I had some change. As I was waiting in line there was a young man ordering his food. You could tell by his mannerisms and speech that he was one of Gods special children. Well afterwards the woman behind the counter looked at me and stated order 322? I told her no, that I was 323, and pointed to the young man and stated I believe it is his. (I knew it was because I remembered what he had ordered.) She asked the young man if he was order 322, he stated that he had already ordered and was just waiting for his food. I just smiled, not in a I can’t believe you are clueless or in a mocking way. There was just something about this young man, an aura if you will that made me see him as a four or five year old. Full of energy, and dreams, proud of being able to order his own food and be out and about. The woman behind the counter was not amused sadly enough and just rolled her eyes and stated, in a rather rough tone, “did you order two burgers and a small fry?” He stated yes he had, but his order was for here. He then realized that it was his order and stated, “oooohhh I am sorry, did I say to go? I wanted to eat here. I am sorry.” Again the woman behind the counter was biting her tongue and taking his food out of the bag and putting on a tray, as she begrudgingly stated here you go.

The thing that caught me about the whole thing was you could clearly see that the man was impaired. Not to the point where you would think that he had to have a helmet on, but you could tell, or at least I could that there was something amiss. It was in his eyes. I don’t know maybe they were just very kind, and not filled with discouragement, disappointment, and regret. He was a blank slate, that even though he may have had some pretty crappy things happen to him, he was happy nonetheless. The woman behind the counter though was too busy with her own things to even catch that, or maybe she did not even care. I don’t know, but I got to thinking about myself. Have I been so caught up in things around me to not notice someone else? I am pretty sure I have been. It is all too easy to get caught up in our own worries, troubles, doubts, lack of self confidence, or whatever it may be to no take notice of what is really going on around us. If we did we might see that some of the things that frustrate us, are not others faults, but our own faults for failing to recognize a need. For that I am truly sorry for any undue pain or misunderstandings I may have brought about by my own lack of being able to get my head out of my own tookis.

Well as I sat there getting ready to leave I noticed this young man leaving. I decided I wanted to wait a bit and watch what he did. He walked out to an older style beachcomber bicycle that was locked up to the blue disabled parking sign in front of the disabled parking spots. He methodically uncoiled the bike lock cable after doing the combination. He then wrapped the cable and lock around the bike stem on his seat. Proudly mounted his steed and began to ride his bicycle past everyone else. I thought to myself who would I rather be. Me... or him. Sometimes ignorance is truly bliss, or maybe it wasn’t ignorance. Maybe he was what God was talking about when he stated that a child was closer to the kingdom of heaven, then everyone else. (loosely paraphrased) Maybe it is that lack of concern, being bolstered by a childlike sense of hope for what every new minute brings about in life. That life truly is an adventure, not a torture chamber we must go through. For that I tip my cup of sprite to that young man and wish him well.

Random venting

Its funny how life is cyclical. It wasn’t that long ago that I felt like I was on top of the world yet this week I feel like I am at the bottom. I am sitting here at Panera on Watt and El Camino working on my homework. I am actually kind of happy with the homework. It is a Civil Rights case and even though it is by far the toughest assignment we have gotten I like it. Of course a few months back our law professor asked us what kinds of things did we want to go over in next semester as he was going to be coming back to teach advanced legal writing. I immediately rose my hand and said Constitutional law. I have always loved Constitutional Law and as a fellow lover of history it is rich with it. Well last week when the assignments were being handed out the professor told everyone that they could thank Jason for the loss of their three day weekend. LOL He wasn’t kidding. So even though this assignment is kicking my butt I am liking it.

However as I look around me I see all of these happy smiling groups of people congregating together enjoying good conversation, laughing and generally having a good time. At times I feel trapped between two worlds and feel the ever increasing need to accept my fate. I am a loner by nature. I love to be around people, yet I hate it. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Sometimes when I am in a group of people, I am generally not included in the conversation. Usually because the things I like to talk about others don’t like to talk about. Sometimes I love a good conversation on something that really makes you think, something that stretches the imagination. Something that after you are done talking and debating about you walk away feeling good because of the sharing of mutual ideas and concepts. Sharing of something in exchange for the other persons ideas and knowledge. So it is rare to be in a group of friends or people because I seem to have less and less friends as time goes on and I loose contact with those I once knew. I know that is my problem, people will say “you need to go out and be a friend to have a friend.” Yet there are few people out there who share the same passions I have. Yet when I am in a group of people I usually end up being quiet because when I do bring up topics they are usually dismissed as quickly as I bring them up. Instead I am forced to listen to how hard must be for Brittany spears, or how great that pass was in the last football game. The current events that are brought up are usually discussed out of context and with little thought of the deeper things involved. Just a lot of, “how sad… how could that happen in our society… that’s just an outrage…” things like that. Yet when someone truly wants to discuss how we got there as a society and people could do the things that they do nobody wants to listen. Instead people are happy living in the shallowness of life. I don’t mean that as a disregard to intelligence though. What I mean is that sometimes it is easier not to think too much about something because of the implications that may be brought about by it. Sometimes it is easier to just talk about the bad things and brush them off as things that certainly couldn’t happen to you, nor did you have any part of how those things came about as whole in society. I don’t know I guess I am just venting, and am probably coming off as a total bourgeois arrogant, condescending (child born out of wedlock) individual. I guess I just feel lonely and isolated. Which is nothing new for me, I have felt this way most of my life, sometimes it just gets to me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Feeling beat down by life.

Well last night was frustrating as H E double hockey sticks. I have redone the floor in our front bathroom a total of three times, and it looks like I will have to do it again for a fourth time. The flange on the toilet leaked again and the floor looks pretty bad. Its just frustrating. It seems like no matter how hard you try, something are just doomed to happen. I removed the toilet and ripped out part of the floor last night to let it dry out. It will probably take a long time for it to dry out but the floor is pretty moldy. After ripping up what I did I decided to take a shower. I felt just so beat down. I walked into the shower and said God is Good but I just didn’t feel it. Doesn’t mean he isn’t. I mean in the grand scheme of things it is a pretty minor thing. I don’t have the time, or money to fix it, it may take a year to get it fixed, but at least we still have one working bathroom. There was a time where we didn’t even have that. I just get so tired of living below the poverty line, and it just seems that life isn’t getting any easier, nor is there any chance of it letting up. Yet as my wife said to me, “It could be worse.” I love her so much for keeping an optimistic outlook on life, and she is right. It could be worse. She also told me, “it could have happened at a worse time.” Again she is right, however I don’t think that there ever is a right time for things like that to happen. Why is it so hard however to acknowledge that my life is so much better than others out there? Why is it I focus more on how much better other peoples lives seem? I wish I knew, but I guess my sin is coveting. I think about how I have food. I am actually able to eat at least one square meal a day, sometimes two. Most people out there don’t even get that much. I have a wife who loves me, a son who is extremely healthy and hasn’t had any of the ailments that I had to deal with as a toddler, which has helped us out financially. I can’t imagine having to pay out large sums of money I don’t have on healthcare. I guess I need to look at this as an opportunity to praise God and show him that I am capable of handling more of his blessings. I need to get into the mindset that what has happened is an opportunity for God to do something amazing. I need to not just say God is great, but feel it as well. I need to remember that my God is more than the God of my circumstances. In the end it is all stuff anyways. It is stuff that is not even really mine, everything I have, I have because God has given it to me to hold in trust. Well I guess that this is still an opportunity not lost, I still have time to change my attitude as long as I still have breath in my lungs. I guess I will close with something my Buddy Myles told me a few years ago. He told me that we are like swords, and in life we will always face troubles. These troubles will either grind us down or polish us up and sharpen us. It is up to us the angle we want to take to the grinding stone. Will we angle ourselves to be sharpend and polished, or will we resist it and be ground down.

Another great day and a walk down memory lane.

Well I had another great day at work on Friday. When I came into work, one of the gals there cleaned and organized my desk. I was ecstatic. I get so busy at work I have a hard time keeping my desk clean and organized. I know, I know it only takes a few seconds to put stuff back, but when you pretty much suck at coming up with an organizational plan you are doomed from the get go. She organized a bunch of the folders and streamlined my desk so it just flows. Wow, hopefully I will have more time now to get more stuff done with a clean desk that is easier to use.

Well I have been putting in some time playing a Final Fantasy game that my buddy E gave me. I got the full hook up, game and a Brady game guide to boot. It got me to thinking about what you told me E. I too have been having a hard time finishing up a game lately. In fact I would sadly say that about half of the games I play these days I never get around to finishing. I also have that problem where the game just gets to a point where you are like ok, ok already, when do I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Another thing that I kind of have to laugh at is it seems like most of the games that have come out nowadays are sooo freaking complicated that something is really lost. I laugh because I remember when the Sega Genesis came out with a (gasp) six button controller. I was in heaven. I couldn’t believe all the extra options it added to my game play. My father however complained right alongside my mother. Their complaint was it was too complicated. “whatever happened to the good ole days of one button on the Atari 2600?” I would hear. LOL Oh man I must be getting old because sometimes that is exactly how I feel. I remember playing Street fighter II and taking my time to learn all of the commands to do all of the special moves. Now mind you back in the day pulling off Zangief’s spinning pile driver was a move that was braggable to pull of.

Well about two years ago I picked up Dead or Alive for the Xbox 360 and started playing. I looked at the menu on how to do the special moves… I about pissed my pants. Those moves made the Zangief’s spinning pile driver look like something my toddler son could do. I mean some of them involved complex controller moves that took up two lines of text. Two freaking lines of text!!!! Needless to say I mastered about 10% of the possible moves you could do in that game. I guess it added a realism touch for me. I would’ve had to study that game for three years before I could earn my black belt in kicking boootay. However that is not what I wanted to do. So after my wife schooled me for about six months ruthlessly beating me (must be those freaking Asian genetics she has) it got traded in at game crazy.

So I have been really thinking about how nowadays all I want to do is pick up my controller and button mash and have a good time. I am no longer looking for complex challenges, games that take me months to beat, let alone master. I just want to go through and bash some skulls, and maybe, just maybe beat the game in a day, while drinking some soda pop with a buddy or my wife.

I remember back in the day the order of things for a good time in Jr. High involved going down my buddy E’s place or him dropping by my house and hitting the game system. man o man were those the days. I still have grin when I think of all the time spent drinking soda, Pepsi at my place, RC at E’s, usually a snack or two and some vicious two player co-op action. Some of the games I remember the most were Forgotten Realms, TMNT, Golden Ax, Altered Beast, (I was disappointed when they made a new one for PS 2 but didn’t release it here), double dragon, Final Fight, Streets of Rage, Super Spike V-Bal, Gauntlet, and World Cup Soccer. Oh man those were the days. They just don’t make games like that anymore. E you remember good ole Ears! in World Cup Soccer? LOL That was a great game. I remember getting the NES satellite for my birthday. It was a big thing back in those days to have four people playing all at the same time. We would have these great games with Bo, Neil, Eric and I. E I still remember spending hours in the evening playing world cup soccer religiously, and no matter what team we played against we would have to kill Ears. LOL he didn’t have a name in the game but he was this little pixilated character that had these ginormous ears. No matter what country we played against he was on their team. After a couple of super bicycle kicks to the soccer ball we could usually kill that guy dead. If we couldn’t hit him with a super kick we would just tackle the crap out of the guy.

We even started the Capcom library of games. It was where we would share our Capcom games amongst each other, but our goal was between all of us kids in the neighborhood to have every Capcom game made. (sorry E just out’ed us all as geeks. LOL)

The thing I remember most though was just being able to finish a great game like altered beast, or forgotten realms in a few hours. They were great games and as soon as we beat it, we would start it over again and play it again. Sometimes five times in a row not ending till one in the morning. No matter how many times we played it, no matter how many times we beat it, there was fun and comradery to be had on each and every time we picked up the controller. Well that was my walk down memory lane of simpler times. Till next time.

Wow good day at work!

Well I gotta tell you I have had two really good days at work. Yesterday one of the paralegals and the records clerk went out to lunch. I am usually invited and try to go out to lunch with them, but I am usually busy reading stuff for school on my lunch breaks or doing homework. Plus, well lets face it I am more broke than the ten commandments. So I always feel guilty because I never have any money and the girls usually treat. So I hate feeling like a mooch. I always have a great time when I do go.

Well yesterday they went out for lunch and afterwards they stopped by the store. While they were there the decided to get me this GINORMOUS chocolate bar! So when they came back I was still upstairs doing something. Well when I cam back to my desk there was this chocolate bar. Everyone at work knows I am a total Chocoholic to the point of being a chocolate whore. I couldn't believe it. That gesture totally made my day. Well today when the girls came back from lunch they left a little box on my desk. It was the "Office Space Flair Kit." The kind that you can get at the bookstores. It was filled with about 15 buttons from the movie "Office Space" I absolutely love that movie. I couldn't believe it. I was like wow what did I do to deserve this. So now I am going to clear all of the old notes and papers off of my cork board next to my desk and use the buttons as push pins to hold up my stuff. So all in all it was a good day at work.

However my Mom can certainly use some prayer. She is going to Reno to fight a moving violation she got last month. It has been pretty hard on her and I have been praying for her. It was bum deal for my mom as she got into an accident, and the guy she hit lied about where he came from. If he had told the truth he would of been at fault, but because the cop believed him over the out of towner my mom got stuck with the ticket and a police report that states it was her fault. So her day in court is tomorrow. I pray that she does OK. Till next time